I didn't prepare myself for how utterly rude and obviously scared my long term "friends" would be to me and of me as I transformed into who I was always meant to be....but, to be fair to me, the nastiness that envy inspires can rarely be properly prepared for... I guess I didn't anticipate the depth of their jealousy.
Unfortunately and paradoxically, conventional wisdom taught them to AVOID and SUPPRESS these feelings of inadequacy. But, as we all know, if you hold emotions in for to long, you end up blowing up unfairly...
I guess I was the right target...just hurts, is all.
My resolution is to find friends with high enough self esteem that they can express their jealousy in a healthier way. I've resigned to the reality that jealousy will follow this path....and if you know me, you would know that I have always struggled with envy since I was born without it...
But with a high enough self esteem, like my friend Hannah, you learn not to determine your own value by another, and you learn to cultivate an intrinsic self worth.
I am NOT doing me BECAUSE of you. I'm doing me FOR me. It's funny how my women friends especially operate from the incorrect assumption that I am spending time with them FOR them. No. I value our company because of how you challenge me to be better. The last thing I'm thinking of is sex. And when these female friends attempt to emotionally manipulate me with hints of sex, I ignore it and register it a jealousy. Jealousy that they still have to use there bodies to grab attention from others, and I don't....I DO....but I don't have to...lol....there is a distinct difference.
All we desire is before us...what do we have to envy?
Don't treat me like I'm famous.... (#Drake)
Treat me like an equal....I'll do the same!
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